In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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