You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
