I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize