Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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