Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
