You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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