I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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