Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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