wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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