That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
