my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A bitchslap is in order.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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