Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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