do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you didnt know i had herpes?
she told me i tasted like america
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
