so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
