My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
