then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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