how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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