How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
