you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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