There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
