Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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