I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
