Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
