just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
