i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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