I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
