some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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