He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
