i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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