maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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