I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
