3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
