Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
