Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
