I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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