I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
