Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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