my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
