what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
