Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize