so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
