someone threw a dead crab at me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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