And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
