i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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