His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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