i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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