I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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