Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
