haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
