So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
