ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize