How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
