don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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