I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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