Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
