chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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