We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
