It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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