i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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