my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
