I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize