Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
