I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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