i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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