I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize