We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
