where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
