God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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