dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i permit you to call me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
