I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
