i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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